


I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

by Doodlelupin



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Eating Disorders, F/F, For the first chapter anyway, It Gets Better, Just angst, depressed, ill put a tw on the chapters that deal with eds, you can skip em
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:57:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodlelupin/pseuds/Doodlelupin
Summary: Vanya had a rough day, but the cute girl at the coffee shop might be able to bring it around.





	1. Early Sunsets Over Monroeville

Vanya stepped onto the sidewalk, tightening her grip on the strap of her violin case which had been haphazardly thrown over her shoulder. She weaved her way through the people milling about the streets, rushing to return to the solace of her apartment. The sky was a solid grey, just a large mass of clouds stretching out as far as the eye could see, though the building tops did limit the range of view. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, the cool air sending shivers down her spine. Vanya kept her eyes on the ground a few feet in front of her, desperately trying to avoid eye contact. She didn’t have the energy to muster up a fake smile today. She had half a mind to sprint home, longing to be alone, but she could barely manage her regular pace. She wracked her brain for a reason that she felt so utterly drained, but came up blank. Her jaw felt locked, throat devoid of all sound. Speaking seemed like an insurmountable mountain of effort. She knew she physically could, but it was as if her body did not.  
“Ten more blocks,” she muttered under her breath, forcing herself to speak. See? She asked herself. It’s not that hard, is it? It was. Again, no reason. It just was.  
She shook her head, frustrated at herself for this sudden downspell. She had been doing so well. Her violin playing was getting better, even if she wasn’t as good as the others. She had been forcing herself out of her apartment, out into the fresh air-well, as fresh as you could get in the middle of the city. Still, just being outside usually made her feel much better than sitting around, alone in her apartment. She was trying to get better. She really was.  
Vanya snapped her fingers to bring her attention back to the present. She picked up the pace again. She wanted nothing more than to collapse onto her couch right now. A couple of minutes ago she was feeling nothing. Completely empty, drained of all energy and emotion. Currently, her emotions were returning. And she didn’t like it. The wind in her eyes was causing her to tear up, but she wasn’t entirely sure she could stop them if tears began to fall. She felt awful, and there was absolutely nothing causing it, which almost made her feel worse.  
She was lonely, sure. She’d always been. Her siblings hated her, her father was worse. She was never allowed out so she had never been able to make friends, and definitely never had anything more. At this point she didn’t know where to start. She had joined the orchestra in an attempt to meet people, but she was too anxious to start a conversation with anyone, so that plan was a bust. She kept telling herself she’d just start talking to someone at a coffee shop or on the bus or anywhere really. But she never did. So here she was, returning to her empty apartment just like every other night. So that was depressing. And yet, she could tell that wasn’t what was bothering her right now. She wasn’t sure if there was anything bothering her. She just felt terrible, and she couldn’t solve the problem because she didn’t know if there even was one.  
She walked even faster as she rounded the corner to her apartment. She could feel a lump growing in her throat and she did not feel like crying in the middle of the street.  
At long last, she pulled open the door to her building, unlocking the second door and running up the steps. The first tear rolled down her cheek as she unlocked her own door, slipping inside and shutting it quickly behind her. She swiped at her face, pulling her violin case off her back and dropping it gently into a chair. Vanya fell onto the couch, crying silently. She hugged a pillow, leaning her head against the arm of the couch, letting out all the emotions she had been holding in.


	2. It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya has issues. Some of them revolve around food. But it's not an eating disorder. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Lots of ED talk. You wont miss anything important if you want to skip this chapter (spoiler? I guess? the only thing relevant to the plot is that she leaves to go for a walk at the end)

Vanya rubbed her neck. She had fallen asleep at some point; she wasn’t sure how long she had been on the couch for. Long enough to have a sore neck. She could tell her eyes were puffy from crying. She sniffled as she sat up, a yawn escaping her lips. She glanced at the kitchen, considering making herself something to eat. Her stomach was aching. She hadn’t eaten anything before practice. She felt nauseous, she told herself. Well, it wasn’t that she didn’t feel nauseous; she did, it was just that she knew it was because she hadn’t eaten. She could never tell when she was hungry. Her stomach always ached. Whether it was from eating too little or eating too much, she never felt comfortable. Not eating made her nauseous, which made her not want to eat. It was a vicious cycle she couldn’t pull herself out of.  
Vanya realized she had been staring at the cupboards and looked instead at her hands. Was it just her imagination or was she getting thinner? She had always been on the thin side, but ever since she left the Academy, her eating habits had become abysmal. It was a simple thing she could control in her life, and she craved control. For her entire life she had been forced into a regimented schedule: when to wake up, when to eat, when to do lessons, even when to play.  
When Vanya finally moved out, she felt lost at first. She stuck to the same schedule, unsure of how to live without it. Slowly, she broke the rules. She went out to a 24 hour diner to write and sat there all night, staying out just because she could. She read books whenever she felt like it, sitting on the floor before she could afford furniture, sitting upside down in the chairs once she could. She sat on top of tables and counters, sang and danced to her favourite songs, and wore whatever she wanted to. She heavily applied makeup, just for fun. She didn’t care too much about her appearance and wanted to keep it that way. She rarely left the house wearing makeup. She didn’t want to rely on it. She didn’t want to feel bound to any rules, not anymore. She clung to the things that kept her sane as a child, mainly her violin and her writing. She learned to live on her own.  
She did a good job in almost every aspect. There were, however, a few areas in which she suffered. She still didn’t have anyone. No friends, no one to show her the love she had been longing for her whole life. She had decided long ago that she would have to be that for herself. That, she was still working on. She also needed to work on her mental health. She had had problems since she was little. Her father had given her pills for it that she still took regularly. She had struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as she could remember. This lead to her final major problem. Eating.  
It wasn’t even that big of an issue. She ate. Sure, it was probably less than she should, but people ate less and called it a diet so she was fine, right? It was just so much work to get up and make something healthy that she would want to eat, and took no energy to just... not. And she wasn’t bulimic. That was where she drew the line. That was truly an eating disorder. If she ever got that far she would seek help. But at this point, it was just skipping a few meals. It wasn’t that much of a problem. She had so much more to worry about she felt ridiculous for even feeling bad about this.  
There were so many reasons she ate the way she did. It was another way of escaping the rules of her childhood. It saved money. She didn’t need it. After all, for the most part she just sat in her apartment and wrote or played violin. She mostly only left for work, but even that was dwindling down as she had started offering violin lessons in her apartment. Eating three whole meals a day was just a waste. She didn’t need that much energy. Even if she ate, she wasn’t going to have energy anyway. Just thinking about food made her nauseous. She was very torn. On one hand, she knew she had a problem. On the other, it felt like disrespect to people with “real” eating disorders to call her issues that. After all, she did eat. Sometimes she got back up to three meals a day. But one day of forgetting breakfast made her stomach hurt, which triggered it all over again. How cruel was that? Her own body could throw her back into it. She didn’t even care about her weight all that much. It was below average, close to underweight. She did want to keep it that way, though.  
Vanya clenched her fists and shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She sighed. One sandwich, then I’ll go for a walk and burn off all the calories. She got up and made herself a sandwich, pouring herself a glass of water to go with it. She sat back down on the couch. She had never been allowed to eat on the couch as a kid, so she never used the dining table now that she had a choice. She bounced her knee the whole time, unable to sit still while eating. As soon as she finished, she put the plate in the sink and grabbed her umbrella. It definitely looked like it was about to rain while she was out there. How long had it been? She never did get around to checking the time. She looked at the clock. It was almost 7. She’d have to be quick if she wanted to get back before it got dark. She slipped her wallet into her back pocket and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof kinda heavy one, sorry. The next one's pure, promise.


	3. Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently a warm cup of coffee isn't the only thing you can get at Beanies.

She ended up in a little coffee shop a few blocks away from her house. It was a small place, kind of dark in a relaxing way. Had a sort of minimalist design, the kind with hardwood floors and granite walls. It wasn’t the busiest, but there were always people in it. She liked the atmosphere. It never failed to ease her mind. She ordered a coffee and sat at a table in the back corner, lost in her thoughts.  
“Hey, I’m sorry but all the other tables are full. Would you mind if I sat here?” Vanya was pulled back to the real world by a woman who looked to be about the same age as herself, absolutely soaked and holding a coffee.  
“Oh, yeah, no go ahead.” Vanya nodded, trying to remember how to talk. Sometimes after sitting in silence for a while it was difficult to form sentences. It didn’t help that this woman was very pretty.  
She was slightly taller than the average woman, with her hair cut in a long bob that was currently hanging heavily just over her shoulders, weighed down by the water. A few loose strands hung away from the general mass, one of which curled slightly in front of her left cheek. Her eyes were a dark brown, her light eyeliner smudged slightly by the rain. She was, at least, wearing a light jacket, though it didn’t seem to protect her much as her hoodie underneath looked just as wet as the rest of her clothes. She had an average build and was just generally beautiful in an effortless sort of way.  
“Raining pretty hard?” Vanya asked, nodding at her...well, her everything. She was soaked.  
“No, just got out of the shower,” She chuckled, taking a sip of her coffee. Vanya laughed. “Yeah, cats and dogs out there. I’m Bea, by the way.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at Vanya.  
“Vanya. Nice to meet you.” She took a sip of her own coffee. She grimaced. It was already cold. She shrugged and took another sip.  
“Something wrong with the coffee?” Bea asked, studying Vanya’s face.  
“Just a little cold.” Vanya waved it off.  
“You can have mine, if you want.” Bea held out her cup to Vanya. “I don’t mind cold coffee.”  
“Oh, no. I couldn’t.” Vanya shook her head. Her lips had been on the cup. That was like indirect kissing. God, am I seven?  
“Why, scared of cooties?” Bea teased. For a brief moment, Vanya feared she may have read her mind.  
“What? No, I’m just- I’m not going to take your coffee. You need it. You must be cold, you’re soaking wet.”  
“You’ve got me there.” Bea chuckled, looking down at herself. She sighed. “Going to stay that way for a while, I’m afraid. I had to walk to work today. My house is on the other side of town.”  
“Mine’s only a couple blocks away,” Vanya immediately regretted the words. Was she flirting? That’s not flirting. She didn’t mean it to be, anyway. Would Bea see it that way? “I can get you a change of clothes.”  
“Really? You just met me. Do you take all the girls back to your place this fast?” Bea teased. She beamed, her eyes lighting up. Vanya felt a surge of emotion and threw all her cares to the wind. She had been longing for this for so long. Seize the opportunity.  
“Only the pretty ones.” She smiled shyly. Bea laughed, taken aback. She ran a hand through her wet hair.  
“Well, you have to let me buy you a new coffee then. Maybe dinner too.” Bea offered.  
“Do you take all the girls out to dinner this fast?” Vanya mocked.  
“Only the sweet ones.” Bea smiled. Vanya laughed softly. “Well? Can I?”  
“If you have to,” Vanya sighed. Bea got to her feet.  
“I do. What do you take in it?”  
“2 sugars. Thanks.”  
“See? Told you you’re sweet.” Bea smirked before getting into the line. Vanya couldn’t help but stare. Bea was the prettiest woman Vanya had seen in a while and she was interested in Vanya? What were the chances? She couldn’t help but smile when Bea turned back to her, happily holding out her coffee.  
“Shall we go? Or would you rather sit and drink this first?” She cocked her head to the side slightly, her inquisitive look positively melting Vanya’s heart.  
“We can go. It’s probably too warm to drink yet anyway.” Vanya stood, adjusting her jacket and taking the coffee. “Thanks.”  
“My pleasure.” Bea stepped closer to the exit so she could see out the window. “Still raining.” She sighed.  
“That’s okay, we can share my umbrella.” Vanya held it up. Bea grinned.  
“Glad you came prepared.”  
They stepped out of the coffee shop together, huddled close under Vanya’s umbrella, the rain making a satisfying sound as it hit the umbrella. From this distance, Vanya could smell Bea’s perfume. It was very subtle, but sweet. Like coconut, but with something else she couldn’t place her finger on. She loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I told you! That's pretty much all I've got for now, I'm like halfway through the next chapter so shouldn't be too long


	4. Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dress me like one of your french girls

“Home at last.” Vanya sighed, closing the door to her apartment behind her. “Sorry it’s not much, I haven’t had time to-”  
“What are you talking about? I love it. It looks like a little haven away from the world.” Bea slowly twirled around, taking it all in. Vanya nodded, laughing softly.  
“Yeah, you could call it that.” She rubbed the back of her neck, watching the way Bea’s hair twirled with her with a subtle grin on her face. She snapped back into the moment. “Oh, um, my bedroom is this way.” She could feel her face going beet red. Bea burst into laughter. “I- I didn’t mean- I meant- for a change of clothes!” Vanya stammered.  
“Uh huh, that’s what they all say.” Bea shook her head mockingly. Vanya covered her face with her hands. Bea laughed, pulling them away. Vanya thought her face would have gotten more flushed if that were possible. “I’m just teasing.” Her heart was beating a mile a minute. They were so close. They were holding hands. Bea was also dripping rain on the floor, she should probably get her that change of clothes.  
“Here, come with me.” Vanya let go of one hand and guided Bea to her room, still holding the other. She slid open her closet and gestured at the clothes. “You’re a little taller than me, so hopefully we can find something that fits. I tend to wear baggy clothes, though. You can pick whatever you like.” Bea looked down at the small puddle forming at her feet.   
“I’m dripping all over your floor! I’m so sorry!”   
“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I’ll clean it up while you get changed. Pick something!”  
“My sleeves are still wet and I don't want to get water on your clothes. I’ll wear whatever you give me, I’m not picky.”   
“Oh?” Vanya smirked. She reluctantly let go of Bea’s hand and pulled out a black hawaiian shirt.  
“How is that so emo and yet so ‘dad on vacation’ at the same time?” Bea asked in a tone that was both bemused and amused.   
“It’s a perfect representation of my soul, so I had to buy it. My brother and I like to try to out-gay each other at family events, and I thought this would be a perfect candidate.” Bea laughed.  
“I will wear it, if Im worthy of such a shirt.”  
“I would bestow the honour upon you if it weren’t so thin. You need something warmer.” Vanya placed it back in the closet and pulled out an oversized hoodie and some leggings. “I don’t think my jeans would fit you. I have some sweatpants, if you’d prefer.”   
“No, that’s great. Thank you so much.” Bea took the clothes, careful to avoid dripping on them.   
“Bathroom’s out here.” Vanya lead the way, grabbing a towel from the hall closet. “You can have a shower if you want. I usually do but some people think it’s weird.”   
“I do too! It’s easier to dry yourself off when you’re actually wet instead of just damp.”   
“Yeah, exactly! Plus it helps warm you up.” Vanya glanced down at Bea’s feet. She had left a trail.   
“Oh, god, I’m gonna get in the shower now. I’m so sorry about the mess!”   
“Don't worry about it,” Vanya chuckled as Bea slipped into the bathroom. She grabbed another towel and quickly wiped up the water all over her floor. She sat on the couch once she was finished, unsure of what to do with herself. There was a really cute girl. In her apartment. In her shower. About to put on her clothes. Oh god, she was so gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like these chapters are heeeella short lmao its just easier for me to organize em this way...hopefully one more chapter will be up tonight?  
> Also idk why but I NEED to name all the chapters after MCR songs so some of them might be a bit of a stretch XD


	5. I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get to know each other. (TW for mild ED thinkin)

“Thanks again for everything, Vanya.” Bea’s voice called through the apartment. Vanya looked up to see her coming down the hall, rubbing her hair with a towel. The hoodie was baggy on her and she looked absolutely adorable. Vanya couldn’t hide her grin.  
“No problem, honestly. Thanks for the coffee.” Bea giggled, stopping beside the arm of the couch.   
“Do you want me out of here? I can go if you want me to.” She stopped rubbing her head, looking at Vanya with a more serious expression. Vanya’s heart dropped. She was hoping Bea would stay at least a little longer.  
“If you want to you can.” She shrugged.  
“Do you want me to?” Bea looked a little nervous. Oh, maybe she didn’t want to leave. Vanya took a deep breath.  
“I’d...rather you stayed.”  
“Oh thank god. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome, but I really wanted to get to know you.” Bea laughed happily.  
“Really?” Vanya was taken aback. Why? Bea looked at her incredulously.   
“Good question, why would I want to get to know an adorable, generous stranger who invited me into her house, lent me her clothes and let me use her shower?” Vanya shook her head, chuckling.   
“I- I don’t know how to respond to that.”  
“Exactly.” Bea tapped her head with her finger, winking. Vanya giggled. She patted the couch beside her.  
“Well, have a seat then. Do you want anything to eat?”  
“Now that you mention it I am a little hungry.” Bea sat down beside Vanya, leaning her left side against the couch with her arm on the back of it, knees tucked up towards herself. Vanya regretted asking, now she’d have to get up.  
“What would you like? More of a snack or more of a meal?” Vanya asked, trying to remember what she had in her cupboards. She didn’t keep a lot stocked up.  
“I feel bad invading your house and taking your food on top of it. I can pay if you want to order something.”   
“You don’t have to do that-”  
“No, no. I insist. Think of it as our first date.” Bea said. A smile crept onto Vanya’s face.  
“Alright, but only if you let me pay for the next one.”  
“Next one? Pretty eager.” Bea teased. “But yes, I will let you pay for the next one.” Vanya rolled her eyes, laughing.  
“What are you in the mood for?”  
“I’m not very picky. I’ll eat whatever. Pizza?”  
“Yeah, pizza sounds good.” Oh man, that’s a lot of calories.  
“Great! What do you usually have on it?”   
“Doesn’t matter to me. Whatever you want.”  
“We’ll just get pepperoni then. Where’s your phone?” Vanya pointed her in the right direction. Bea got up and made the call. All Vanya could think about was what she would say if Bea asked why she wasn’t eating. She forced herself to smile at Bea when she sat back down. Despite her anxiety, seeing Bea made it quite easy.   
“Should be about half an hour.” Bea said, getting comfy. “Where to start?”  
“How do you mean?” Vanya was confused, a little too caught up in her own thoughts.  
“We were going to get to know each other, right?” Bea smiled patiently. “Where should we start?”  
“Ah, okay.” Vanya nodded, feeling dumb. “We could...well, I don't know either. Um, we could ask simple questions and answer them, ending with another question? Rapid fire, y’know?”  
“Yeah, yeah. I like that.” Bea grinned. “Should you start, or should I?”  
“I think you just did. Favourite colour?” Vanya smirked. Bea laughed.  
“Red. Favourite animal?” She watched as Vanya thought for a second.  
“Um, snake? One place you’d love to travel to?”  
“New Zealand. Any siblings?” Vanya sighed. Bea looked intrigued.  
“Yeah, six.”  
“Six?”   
“I don’t think it was your turn,” they laughed.  
“Okay, fair. What’s your question?”  
“Have you- have you heard of The Umbrella Academy?”  
“Oh, yeah! I used to be obsessed with the comics.” Bea looked very confused. It did seem like a very random question. “Why do you ask?”  
“I- um.” Vanya paused. She blinked rapidly, trying to think of what to say. How do you even explain this?  
“You don’t have to answer if you don't want to.” Bea comfortingly patted her shoulder. Vanya looked up at her and sighed.   
“I would have to tell you eventually. I sort of… lived with them?” Bea was visibly taken aback.   
“What do you mean? You were one of them?”   
“Not quite. We were all born on the same day and they all had powers, right? Well it turns out my dad picked one ordinary kid by mistake.” Vanya looked down at her hands, fidgeting. She hated thinking about it.  
“You don’t seem very ordinary to me.” Bea said softly, hesitating for a moment before gently placing a hand on Vanya’s cheek. Vanya met her eyes. She didn’t allow herself to think. She pushed herself up, closing the gap between them, cupping her hands on either side of Bea’s face as their lips met. They kissed for a brief moment; Vanya thought her heart was about to burst. She pulled away, closed her eyes tight and rested her forehead on Bea’s.   
“Was that-?” She whispered, cut off by a kiss.   
“Was that okay? It was more than okay.” Bea answered softly, laughing into Vanya’s lips. Vanya pulled away once more, smiling as their eyes met.  
“Good.” She murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost rewrote part to inculde their occupations but then I realized it would fit the title more to leave it out XP....Also I don't think I've ever written a kiss before? So that's why it sucked lmao


	6. Summertime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and a dance, the ideal first date.

“Thanks.” Bea took the pizza box, handing the delivery guy his money. “Keep the change.” She waved at him as he turned away, closing the door once he’d left. She put the box on the coffee table. “It’s cool if we eat on the couch, right?”  
“Yeah, I’m not nuts.” Vanya laughed.  
“Some people are very particular about their furniture. Do you want me to get plates?”  
“Oh, you don’t-” Vanya started, but Bea was already opening her cabinets to look for them. “Top left.” Bea grabbed two plates.   
“And to drink?”  
“Bea, you don't have to-”  
“Vanya,” she mocked “I want to. What would you like to drink?”  
“Water please.” Vanya relented.  
“Thank you.” Bea took two glasses out of the same cupboard and filled them both, carefully carrying the cups and the plates back to the couch. Vanya took the plates and one of the glasses, setting them on the table. She opened the pizza box. God, it looked delicious. You know what? Screw it. I’m going to eat this and I’m going to enjoy this. I can regret it later.  
She smiled up at Bea with newfound confidence.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Bea laughed softly.  
“Pizza just looks delicious. Thanks.”  
“You’re very welcome.”  
Vanya ate two slices and Bea ate four.  
“Are you sure you don’t want any more?” Bea asked one last time.  
“Positive.” Vanya insisted, closing the box and putting it in the fridge. She came back to the couch, putting her hands on her hips instead of sitting down. “What now?”  
“I can go, if you’d-”  
“I wouldn’t.” Vanya cut her off with a small smile. Bea returned the grin, big and beautiful as ever.  
“Alright then. Do you dance?”  
“What kind of dancing are we talking? But no.” Bea got to her feet, bowing to Vanya.   
“This kind,” She said, overdramatically offering Vanya her hand. Vanya hesitated for a moment before grinning and slipping her hand into Bea’s. Bea gently kissed the back of her hand before leading her around the coffee table to the middle of the room. “Ballroom or high school dance?”  
“Uh, I’ve never been to a high school dance. Homeschooled.” Vanya smiled sheepishly.   
“Right, I forgot! Well you need that valuable experience.” Bea said, mockingly serious. Vanya mimicked her tone.  
“Yes, definitely. Can't believe I got a job without that on my resume.” Bea laughed.   
“Okay. I’m taller, so my hands go here,”She gently placed her hands on Vanya’s waist. “And your’s go on my shoulders or around my neck.” Vanya awkwardly placed her hands on Bea’s shoulders. “Then we just kind of sway and take small steps to the beat- oh! Whoops! We forgot music.” Bea laughed.  
“Oh, I can-” Vanya moved to pull away, but Bea pulled her closer.  
“That’s alright, I’ll hum for now. Just till you get it. Once we’re pros we can add music.” Clearly she didn’t want to take her hands off Vanya. Vanya bit her lip, trying to suppress a grin and failing.   
“Alright.”   
Bea began to hum softly. It was a sweet melody; ¾ time, Vanya recognised. A waltz. Bea stepped backward, pulling Vanya with her. She tilted her head to the right before stepping to the right, then forward to indicate direction once more. Vanya was caught off guard at first, very worried about stepping on Bea’s toes. They did of course, trip each other up a couple of times, pausing briefly to giggle before continuing. After a little while, Vanya finally felt confident enough in their rhythm to look up at Bea instead of constantly glancing down at their feet.   
They completely forgot about putting on music, Bea humming her favourite songs to dance to, then singing her favourite songs, and eventually Vanya joined in. She had always been nervous about singing in front of other people, much more comfortable playing her violin, but with Bea everything felt easier. They completely lost track of time.  
“Oh god, it’s getting late.” Bea laughed, exhausted in the best way. She smiled sadly. “I should probably be getting home.”  
“You can stay the night, if you want.” Vanya blurted out before she could think twice.   
“Awful forward of you,” Bea chuckled, gently pulling Vanya closer. At some point they had switched roles. Bea’s arms were around Vanya’s neck, with Vanya’s hands resting delicately on Bea’s waist. Vanya tilted her head up to meet her eyes.  
“I didn’t say anything had to happen. I do have a quite comfortable couch.”  
“That is true.” Bea nodded. They could feel the silence weighing in the air.  
“Of course, I do have a quite comfortable bed.” Vanya finally said, rolling her eyes.  
“That seems like a better option.” Bea laughed, kissing Vanya’s forehead.  
“Okay.” Vanya pulled away. “I’m gonna throw on some pjs and brush my teeth. I have a spare toothbrush, if you want it.”  
“Wow, a toothbrush already?” Bea teased. Vanya sighed, laughing.  
“You know what I mean.” She threw her hands up in mock frustration, turning and heading to the bedroom. She could hear Bea’s giggle behind her. Vanya threw on an oversized tshirt and some baggy pajama pants. Not very cute, but comfy. She peeked her head out the door. Bea had perched herself on the arm of the couch.   
“Did you want to change?” Bea looked up, a little startled.  
“Oh no, this is fine. The sweater is so soft. Might have to steal it.” She smirked.   
“Looks better on you than it does on me. Might have to give it to you.” Vanya shrugged, dipping into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Once finished, she returned to Bea, holding out a toothbrush.  
“A present for you, my dear.” She giggled.   
“For me?” Bea gasped dramatically, holding a hand to her chest. Vanya bowed deeply. Bea laughed and took the toothbrush. “Why are we such nerds?” Vanya shrugged.   
“I’ll be right back.” Bea left to brush her teeth. Vanya watched her leave, smiling, completely lost in her thoughts. Before she knew it, Bea was back.   
“Ready?” She asked, holding out a hand. Vanya nodded, taking it and allowing Bea to lead her back to her bedroom. Wait, did she want to do something more than just sleep? Because Vanya was pretty tired. Like yeah, obviously she was very gay but also? Very tired. Let’s just hope Bea was just as tired.  
Bea hesitated at the edge of the bed.  
“Do you prefer a side?” She turned to Vanya.  
“No, I’m fine wherever.” Bea gently flopped onto the bed.  
“Oh man, you weren’t kidding when you said you had a comfortable bed.” she said, voice muffled. She rolled over towards the wall, making room for Vanya. Vanya slid into her bed much more gracefully. They shifted until they were lying on their sides, facing each other. Bea tucked some of Vanya’s hair behind her ear. Vanya smiled at Bea.   
“Thank you again, for everything.” Bea murmured.  
“It was no problem at all.” Vanya replied earnestly. They remained silently gazing at each other for a little while. The last thing Vanya took in was the gorgeous green of Bea’s eyes before she happily drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its not like...great but its longer than the other chapters, surely that must count for something?


End file.
